piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
