This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
