You made me cry and you don't even care
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have fence marks all over my body
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
