Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
