Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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