I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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