He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
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Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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