just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
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