I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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