He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
