everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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