dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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