So drunk its hurt
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
