Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
