Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
