last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
