I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
