Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize