genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize