I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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