I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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