I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I love you. Go after that dick
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