So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
