He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
