so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
