I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
