I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So here I am, sexting at work.
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