some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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