I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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