I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
