God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize