yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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