No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
