her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am one with the molecules
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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