Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
