the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
