I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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