I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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