You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
