I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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