I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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