Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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