so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
