I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
