he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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