Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
