I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
