Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
