omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
