i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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