She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
