And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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