you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
