umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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