So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.