i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.