Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.