So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday