a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD