im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
