Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
